You walk in
You sigh,
You sit on the bed, legs crossed
Feet soles facing each other,
Breathe in,
Hold your breath in as you start to hear the familiar sound of scratching on the walls of your room
Keep your breath in,
Maybe it’ll go away
The sound gets louder,
The scratching intensifies
Now that it's gone,
you wonder
If you'll ever get used to it
You know what it is.
You’ve heard its scratching many times before
It’s only at night, and only when you’re alone
That you hear it so loudly,
You know what it is
It’s the monster lurking in the darkness,
Behind the walls of your tightly shut room
-Beneath the surface of your skin-
Scratching,
It’s always scratching
Trying to escape…
Maybe…
​
Or just let you know it exists,
That it hasn’t gone away as you’ve always wished,
​
it hasn’t
Sometimes I forget to realize that the monster lurking behind the walls of my room is my own making
I brought it here,
Offered it the right to take up the empty space behind my walls,
And slowly,
I let in,
Told it to stay,
​
​
I let it seep in under my skin
People usually check under the bed and in dark alleys for danger
But it slips their mind to check between the walls
-To check beneath the skin-
​
​
​
​
​
I think I might be having Stockholm’s syndrome
For I can’t imagine a life without the monster in my room
I look for it when I can’t find it,
And I poke it out when it goes into hiding
​
Anyone else would’ve escaped by now,
But not me,
This isn’t normal,
You aren’t normal,
When did I get so used to having the monster around,
When did my existence become so dependent on it?
An existence that is stitched onto me like a body…
Not like a body, it is a body
​
​
It was wrong..
It was meant to be wrong from the start..
​
A wrong that can’t be undone
Like a zipper stitched on upside down
Throwing up is not an option.
Hold everything in.
Let it all sit in, comfortably.
Not digested, not rejected.
Make an attempt at taking a deep breath,
But fail to find any room in your stomach or your lungs.
​
Lie flat on your stomach; let your face sink in the ground.
Hold back every breath of the life you don’t know how to live.
Let the warmth hug your skin
Now stay still
